Tommyknockers - Have You Ever?
by Punko McMac
Summary: A tale of the tommyknocker evil and a few squirrels. Have You Ever seen a few tommyknocker-squirrels? :-P


Tommyknockers: Have You Ever   
By Punko McMac 

I don't own the Tommyknockers. They are their own cosmic entity, which is usually narrated by a brainwashed Stephen King. 8-)   


[ ~~~~x~~~~ ]   


Have You Ever seen a squirrel hopping through the forest? Yes? Well good. 

Have You Ever seen a squirrel stop and sniff something? Yes? Well good. That's good. 

Have You Ever seen a squirrel sniff a small metal hump sticking out of the ground in Big Injun Woods? No? That's good, too, for the sake of this story. 

Have You Ever seen a squirrel recoil from said metal like it's been shocked, then start inching at the dirt with it's tiny little paws? I didn't think so. 

Have You Ever seen a squirrel's meager IQ jump 30 points in half as many seconds? Now you're curious. 

Have You Ever watched as a squirrel makes a mad dash for a near-by house's tool shed? Possibly, but you're still curious, aren't you? 

Have You Ever waited twenty damn minutes for a stupid squirrel to come back out? Lazy squirrels, think they can take as long as they want. 

Have You Ever watched with curiosity as a squirrel emerges from a tool shed at last with a small grocery bag full of bits and pieces of power tools between it's small teeth? And carries it under the house's deck? Oh, ho, you're brain's racing for an explanation, isn't it? 

Have You Ever seen a squirrel come out with what looks to be a miniature shoveling device strapped to it's black-furry back? Ah hah hah, sit still, you weren't imagining it if you have. 

Have You Ever seen four squirrels gather around a single super-smart one that's lugging the first ever squirrel-made machine through a forest? Then three more come, have you ever seen that? How about seventeen squirrels all gathered around one? No? :-D 

Have You Ever seen eighteen squirrels scatter into the forest's bushes and leaves and trees as they hear someone approach? Have You Ever seen that? 

Have You Ever heard squirrels be so quiet that one'd think the forest was empty? The lady and her dog that came out sure did. Well, not so much as see them. 

Have You Ever waited for a lady to dig up the very hump that a squirrel was so interested in not twenty-five minutes earlier? I bet'cha haven't. Especially since this lady took almost all day. 

Have You Ever seen damn near thirty-six squirrels emerge from cover to gather around a partially unearthed monument? A squirrel's monolith, if you will. If you say you have, I'll know you're lying. 

Have You Ever watched as thirty-six squirrels (almost half of which appeared silently while a lady was digging) all be stricken with headaches and bold new ideas on how to crack nuts? Haha, no ye haven't! 

Have You Ever watched as squirrel teeth start to decorate the soft forest earth? Have You Ever seen squirrels scatter in every direction only to return a while later with amazing gadgets (for squirrels, anyway)? 

Have You Ever been amazed to find that the first squirrel's brain has swelled in it's head, and it's somehow managed to dis-assemble it's digging apparatus and remake it as a sort of jackhammer? Squirrel scale, of course. 

Have You Ever watched as a toothless black squirrel has more ideas in a five-minute span than you've had in five months? Have You Ever been mad because all of its ideas are better? Haha, don't worry. These squirrels don't venture much out of Haven, Maine.   


Have You Ever seen a genius squirrel motion towards another squirrel? Well, something like that maybe, but have you ever seen the other squirrel respond by running and bringing back a discarded penlight? I'll answer for you. No. 

Have You Ever been witness to a squirrel revolution? Fifty squirrels now, all from around Big Injun Forest and parts surrounding. Most are becoming far more intelligent than squirrels were meant to be. All are losing teeth quickly, and hair slowly. Their bushy tails are thinning, Have You Ever seen such a thing? 

Have You Ever watched as the lead squirrel, sunken eyes and baby-smooth gums, addresses his congregation of freak-o-squirrels? It stands up on it's hind legs, glowing green creeping out of it's eyes. It chitters for a second, it's mind doing much of the talking. Have You Ever watched this? 

Have You Ever beheld a squirrel, looking close to death, but never more alive? It holds up a gizmo not within the grasp of the average human's imagination. Made from a power drill, a penlight, batteries, and a garden-spade. It is a molecular-dissipater. Have You Ever seen a squirrel crafted molecular dissipater? Helllll, no. 

Have You Ever heard a squirrel send out a mental declaration to squirrels all over the clearing in Big Injun Woods? "Prepare for the becoming, there will be acorns for all!" 

Have You Ever watched as a squirrel places both paws on a yellow plastic trigger, chewed off from the drill? Ever watched a tool of amazing power meant to dissipate all the dirt surrounding the metal object in a matter of minutes power up? Ever watched as a squirrel realizes it's connected the wrong wires?   


Have You Ever seen an entire congregation of squirrels burst into green flames?   
Have You Ever seen a squirrel whose last thoughts were "dammit, blue to red, blue to red! Not frigging blue to yellow!!" No? Well good, because while that's what any other Tommyknocker would have thought before it turned into a pile of burnt genius, this squirrel was grasping onto it's last vestige of squirreldom with all it could muster, despite the circumstances. "What about the acorns!?!" 

Have You Ever?   
  


Tommyknockers, Tommyknockers,   
Knocking at my door.   
All last night   
And the night before. 

Can't go out,   
Don't know if I can,   
'cuz I'm afraid   
of the Tommyknocker man!   
  
  



End file.
